A Long Day at the Office
by pippychick
Summary: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones and a chat about staples and paperclips. Well, I thought it sounded innocent enough when I started to write it...


**Disclaimer:** Jack and Ianto don't belong to me. They belong to RTD, the BBC, their wonderful writers, and to JB and GDL. Please don't sue me. I make no money from this.

**Author's Notes:** Ok… this was a lot more fun to write! I had another day off, and Jack decided to get his own back on Ianto for the tourist office thing. This fic is not taking itself seriously at all. Instead, it's sort of lounging around, being slightly indecent, half-naked and quite mocking of itself. It's also got more slash clichés than I can count. If I were you I wouldn't even bother trying. ;)

Erm, I also gave Ianto a relative. Silly, I know, because the writers will likely contradict me soon, and portray Ianto as some lonely individual with no family. But it's just for fun.

This story is for anyone anywhere who's ever found themselves bored to tears while filling out a stationery order.

I hope you enjoy it and that it makes you laugh.

* * *

**A Long Day at the Office**

He was almost ready to head off home for the day when it began. Quiet, ordinary days like these didn't come along very often, and Ianto planned to take the opportunity to rest. Perhaps watch a bit of television. Read a book. When was the last time he had read a good book? But then it happened. He should really have been expecting it, but then Jack almost always caught him by surprise, there really wasn't any excuse for it except that he must enjoy being surprised. That little bit of self-revelation made him smile.

"Ianto!" Jack's insistent voice floated down to him where he stood with his clipboard, ticking off the day's odd jobs with a pen. As always, he waited for Ianto to look up at him before he continued.

"Is there anything I have to ask you for?" Jack queried with a frown.

Ianto just stared for a moment, then his gaze dropped just a little. There was coffee in the office; he'd taken it up just minutes ago. He looked at his clipboard. Everything that needed to be done had been done. He searched around in his mind for something… anything. Ianto sighed as his daydreams of books and empty television fluttered forever out of his reach. He wasn't unhappy about it though.

"If you want, I could take an inventory for the next stationery order, Sir," he called out, looking up, feeling much too charitable and slightly amused. He looked down when Jack smiled happily and turned to a fresh, empty sheet of paper. No doubt this would take some time.

"This isn't about stationery, is it?" Ianto asked, once he had walked up to the office and Jack closed the door behind them. Still, he went straight to Jack's side of the desk and sat in his chair as he opened the deep bottom drawer to check if anything was running low.

"Not really," Jack admitted, walking around the desk to lean against it, acting all nonchalant and superior. "Although while we're on the subject – can I get one of those pencil sharpeners?"

Ianto was completely taken aback. "A pencil sharpener?" he echoed, looking at Jack.

"Yeah! One of those electric ones," Jack said. Oh, he thought he knew where this was going. Ianto raised an eyebrow as Jack continued. "You know where you just put the pencil in, then you take the pencil out and it's all new and sharp again." And they had a tendency to vibrate. Funny how he didn't mention that. Still… it couldn't really be termed dangerous, could it? Ianto held Jack's gaze for a moment, assessing the possibility.

"One electric pencil sharpener," he said slowly, relenting, noting it down, ignoring how excited Jack suddenly became. Ianto looked back to the drawer.

"I haven't got any staples," Jack noted gloomily. Ianto reached down into the drawer and nudged some yellow squares out of the way, uncovering what looked to be a hidden stash of staples.

"There you are, Sir," he said brightly. "They were hiding behind that stack of post it notes." Ianto smiled. He always liked to make sure there were lots of post it notes. So far, they'd been really good fun, and were never dangerous at all. He pretended not to notice when Jack sighed.

"I mean some of those special big staples," he said, and Ianto's gaze flickered briefly to the rather large and scary looking staple gun on the left-hand side of the drawer.

"No, you haven't got any of those," Ianto confirmed, not even looking up, glad that Jack had never managed to find the place in the archives where he kept the confiscated items. "It's not a coincidence."

"Can I –" Jack began, and Ianto cut him off decisively.

"No, you can't." Never again. Not after what happened last time. Staple guns and Jack Harkness did not mix. Ianto had written that in his diary under 'Things to Remember!'

"Spoilsport," Jack muttered, and Ianto finally looked up to where Jack was leaning against the side of the desk.

"I _liked_ that tie," he said pointedly with just a bit of resentment.

"Hmm… So did I." Jack sounded slightly regretful. "You really couldn't find another one like it, huh?" Well, it was his own fault! Ianto sat back and stared until Jack dropped his gaze. Ianto returned to the lengthening list, and found a couple of everyday items to put on it before Jack spoke again.

"I need some of those permanent marker pen things." Oh, yes. He remembered that day too. Ianto shook his head firmly.

"No, you don't."

"Aww, come on!" Jack complained, then his voice dropped lower. "I could always go out and buy them myself," he threatened. Ianto had a sudden horrific vision that involved Jack and a shopping trolley.

"You're _not_ going to Office Galaxy alone," he said faintly, still seeing it. He looked up again just as Jack grinned.

"Great!"

Ianto shook his head. "I'm not going there with you," he added.

"It's on the list," Jack pointed out, something a little too smug about his expression.

"I never promised to do everything on that list." Ianto put down the pen and the clipboard as Jack sidled closer to him, reaching out to start undoing his jacket buttons. He just watched Jack's hands at work. It had never been about stationery. A part of him wondered what it meant that he was prepared to do many of the more challenging things on the list, but balked at the idea of taking Jack to Office Galaxy.

"No, you didn't," Jack replied as he pulled Ianto forward slightly to take the jacket from him, "but I'll bet I can get everything in the end." Those fingers started working on his waistcoat, as Ianto watched, still not moving to stop him. It was all just so easy. "I always get everything I want from you, don't I? In the end."

Ianto looked up quickly, staring at Jack as the waistcoat was taken from him as well, acknowledging Jack's victory over him because it was true, and he couldn't help it. Jack made it so much fun, made it so pleasurable, made it so that he couldn't regret a single thing he had done to end up here. He couldn't regret anything they had done together. It was almost infuriating.

"Shall I give in now?" he asked mildly, knowing he was happy, loosening his tie to take that off too, and Jack laughed at him.

"You can try. It won't stop me." Ianto decided to give it a go, and he unbuttoned his shirt himself as Jack leaned against the desk and watched him, not making a move towards his own clothes. Looked like he was going to be the only one getting undressed then.

"You're quiet," Ianto prodded when he had taken off his shirt, and let Jack take it away from him along with the tie. He could feel everywhere Jack's eyes lingered on him. Perhaps he _had_ won, after all, and Jack had stopped.

"I was just thinking about some of those cute little binder clip things," Jack confided with a slow smile, and Ianto actually shivered. Maybe he couldn't actually categorise that as a win then.

"Not for as long as I'm still breathing," he said.

"Coloured paper clips," Jack suggested, backing down far too easily. Ianto thought about it, and couldn't imagine what it was Jack wanted them for. It wasn't for paper – that was the only sure thing.

"Why?" he wanted to know. Jack just smiled enigmatically.

"Order some and find out," he suggested as he took hold of Ianto's hand and pulled him up out of the chair. It wasn't as if he didn't want to get up anyway. Their lips met naturally, and Ianto lost himself in the kiss for a long moment. Something about Jack always managed to take all of his attention.

Those generous lips moved over his jaw while he held Jack close to him. Their hands began to wander, and he wondered about taking off Jack's shirt. "I can tell you're tempted," Jack said, and Ianto froze for a moment. Paper clips. Funny, he'd forgotten all about them.

Before he could get back to his ambition of removing Jack's shirt, he found himself pushed back slightly against the desk. For some reason, Jack seemed to want the list he had been writing on the chair, and Ianto on the desk. Ianto gave in to that desire almost thoughtless of what it might mean as Jack nibbled at his collarbone. It felt wonderful.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" Jack asked, pulling back a little to speak, just as Ianto became aware that he was about to lose his belt as well. Jack hands seemed to be everywhere all at once. Being seduced by Jack was the most irresistible thing he had ever known. If he didn't watch out, soon he would be completely naked on Jack's desk. A little warning light went off in his head.

"No," Ianto murmured. What was Jack even on about? Oh, paper clips! He let his head fall to the side so that Jack could kiss his neck. "Yes," he said then, losing some of his patience, wishing Jack wouldn't expect him to talk when he was doing that kind of thing with his tongue. "All right! You can have some coloured paper clips."

"Good," Jack said, his voice so deep, and Ianto tried really hard not to hear it as praise. He really did. The little bites and kisses started again as Jack leaned over him, making him use his hands for his weight as he lifted his hips from the desk a little.

Only when Jack knelt to take off his shoes and socks did Ianto come around a little, and found that he was indeed naked on Jack's desk. How had that happened? Did it have something to do with his left shoulder? He cast his eyes down and found a perfect little row of tiny lovebites there. Oh, no… not again!

He really wanted to hold his head in his hands, but soon Jack was back and pulling his arms behind him. "What are you doing now?" Ianto asked, and then heard the click of the cuffs as they fastened on him. His heart skipped a beat. Then another. Then kind of decided to carry on beating.

"Oh, no," Ianto said, shaking his head, already twisting his hands to see if he could get them free. No hope there. It could only mean one thing. Jack was going to tease him, perhaps as payback for refusing to order the staples.

"Yes," Jack said in satisfaction as he looked down at Ianto on the desk before him. He was all authority now, and Ianto groaned.

"Right," he said eventually, allowing Jack to push him down. His cuffed hands were behind him, so by necessity his body kind of arched away from the desk a little, and Jack rested one heavy warm hand on his stomach. Oh, God! How long would it last? He just knew he wasn't going to be able to think by the end of it, let alone speak. But he wouldn't plead. Not yet, anyway. He rolled his eyes as he waited, and then, just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, a distinctive melody rang out into the silence.

It even surprised Jack, who suddenly turned away and rummaged in Ianto's discarded jacket until he came out with a mobile phone. Technically, Ianto could have escaped at that point, but he was too busy being mortified. The theme from Blake's Seven echoed glaringly loud in the office. Ianto closed his eyes briefly and began to wish he could fall through the rift. But it was worse still. Work had a distinctive, unobtrusive ringing tone. If it was playing that, it wasn't work related. It was family. They never called!

Jack looked at the phone in his hand, thumb over one of the buttons. He looked to Ianto, who suddenly realised what might be happening in Jack's mind. "Don't," he said quietly, shaking his head as he let it fall back onto the desk with a quiet thud. Jack smiled. "No, Jack."

Too late. He watched in silence as the call was answered and Jack put the phone onto speaker and lay the handset at the side of his head. He twisted his hands in the cuffs, stretched his neck and just barely managed to nudge the phone with his nose. Maybe he could end the call with his tongue? He was positive Jack could do something like that, and why should he be able to do all the useful things? "Ianto?" a feminine welsh voice asked, and Ianto recoiled from the phone a little in a mixture of horror and fear. And that was before Jack started. "Are you there?"

There wasn't anyway in the world he couldn't answer. "Aunt Rachel," he said, glaring at Jack and daring him to try anything. That could have been the wrong thing to do, since Jack immediately opened a drawer in his desk and rummaged around in it. Ianto tried not to think about what might be about to happen. "What is it?" he asked, suddenly wondering just why she had phoned him. Was something wrong? "Why have you called me at work?"

"You're still at work?" the voice demanded. It was almost a screech, and both of them winced. "Ianto, it's almost eight o'clock! I keep telling you they ask for too much." Ianto raised his head slightly from the desk, still finding the rest of his body held down by Jack's left hand as he continued to root around in the drawer. Throughout, his Aunt Rachel continued to speak. Sooner or later, she'd need to draw breath. "You need to tell that boss of yours to be a bit more easy on you. I don't know who he thinks he is –" There. She paused and Ianto took the opportunity as soon as it was there.

"It's all right, Aunt Rachel," he said in a rush. "He's easy enough," Ianto said, daring to tease, only he thought that might have been the wrong thing to do again when Jack looked at him and sent a very definite evil smirk his way. Ianto shook his head. "Why are you calling me?" He only realised he shouldn't have given her chance to speak again after that.

"All it is," she began, and her voice rattled away as Jack triumphantly closed the drawer, apparently after nothing more elaborate than a small hand towel and tube of lubricant. When it wasn't elaborate, it was usually worse. Ianto tried not to sigh. She would hear it and then he'd never get rid of her. "…and we've never even seen you since you came back to Cardiff from London. It's silly now that you're living so close!" Ianto watched as Jack silently got some of the lubricant on his right hand and began scrunching his hand into a fist to spread it around. "Your uncle and I are having a dinner on Sunday and we're going to expect you to be here. If only because it means you'll be having some time off work." She paused again.

"Ok. I'll try my best," Ianto cut in and before he could say anything else, it appeared his aunt had got her breath back. She should never have stopped smoking. It had only been worse since then.

"You'll be here, or I'll come and see that boss of yours for myself…" she carried on after that but Jack had also begun, and Ianto closed his eyes. At first the lubricant was cold on his flesh, and he was still largely uncooperative. But then it was Jack, and he knew how to use his hands. It also soon warmed up and became kind of tingly with the continued friction. Ianto took a deep, silent breath in, then another half a breath.

"…" He realised Rachel had stopped talking just as he realised that he'd stopped breathing.

"Ianto?" she questioned. He tried to take in a breath to answer her, but he'd really taken in all the breath his lungs were going to allow. As quietly as possible, he turned his head away from the phone and let the breath out of his lungs. There was the slightest catch in the back of his throat, not quite a sound. Perhaps there was the merest beginning of a 'J' sound as he thought about speaking. But then he turned his head back to the phone with another glare at Jack, who was watching him and laughing silently.

"Yes, I'll, erm," he paused as his brain tried to bring up the right word, "come." Or it could even have been 'I'll be there,' Ianto thought with another slight hitch of breath that wanted to be louder. Against all of his instincts, he tried to inch away up the desk, away from Jack's hand, but Jack followed him and so he gave up.

"Are you all right? What are you doing? You sound like you're upset. Ianto, are you _crying_?" Oh, great! She was suspicious now. Maybe he'd never get rid of her.

"I'm really all right," Ianto said carefully. He looked at Jack, his face flushed with heat as he tried to keep it in. Jack frowned and looked down at his hand. He fine-tuned it somehow, and for Ianto it suddenly became about ten times worse. Or better, depending on which way you looked at it. "Just…" he gasped, "making up…" He really tried not to pant, though he couldn't help thrusting up into Jack's hand a few times. He'd stopped speaking, and suddenly realised it. "A stationery order," he finished, feeling as though he'd run a marathon.

"Yes, well. I'll talk to you Sunday. I'll get the truth out of you then, no doubt…" she continued to drone on again, as Ianto tried to breathe in silence. He almost forgot himself and protested when Jack stopped, and directed yet another glare at him. These glares weren't doing him one bit of good, because Jack just smiled and got some more of the lubricant on his hand. She'd stopped speaking again.

"All right, bye, Aunt Rachel," Ianto said quickly. Jack was _not_ going to do this to him while she was on the phone.

"Ha!" the voice came out with, as though Ianto had insulted her in some way. "I can take a hint!" She waited, and when he didn't apologise she continued. "Bye, Ian." She was never pleased when she shortened his name. "Be here, or I'll send your uncle to get you." She actually severed the call, and Ianto groaned loudly. He raised himself up to look, though he knew just how Jack had left him.

"Oh, God…" he said expressively, and Jack laughed. "Come on!" Ianto almost shouted, needing Jack to continue where he had left off. Jack didn't comply, though his left hand moved from Ianto's stomach and picked up the phone again.

"That was good!" he exclaimed, his thumb pressing buttons while Ianto just lie back on the desk watching helplessly. "Is she on your contact list? We could call her back!"

Suddenly, Ianto tried really hard to get out of the handcuffs, and it necessitated Jack holding that hand on him again to keep him still. "Jack! No! Don't do it. Please…"

"Say it again," Jack prompted with a slight smile.

"Don't do it," Ianto repeated in a low voice, hating it. Hating that he was virtually begging.

"No, the other one." Oh, God… Ianto sighed.

"Please?" he said in disbelief, and Jack just raised his eyebrows. Ianto was sure he wasn't any good at this, and though he would say it, he knew it would come out as insincere. Jack showed him the phone. "Please…" he managed, and somehow stopped most of the sarcasm from creeping in.

"Hmm… needs practice but I'll take it for now." Ianto suddenly relaxed, and that seemed to be exactly what Jack wanted him to do at that moment. He began to wonder how easy it was for Jack to manipulate him. He also wondered just what Jack wanted the paper clips for. Damn. It was going to bother him to the point that he actually ordered them.

"What have you told her?" Jack asked, and Ianto swallowed as those lubricated fingers began to do something else with him, something much more invasive and personal. Ianto squirmed a bit.

"She thinks I'm a civil servant," he said on his next breath, and Jack chuckled.

"Really?" he asked. He was obviously taking the term literally. Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Stop it," he demanded. Jack shrugged.

"No." But he did stop what he was doing, and used the towel to wipe the lubricant from his hand before sliding the braces from his shoulders.

There had to be some way to get Jack to do what he wanted. "I'll get you staples," he said slyly, and saw Jack frown a little. "Those big ones."

"And permanent markers?" he asked, obviously tempted. Ianto thought about it. If he had the staples, permanent marker was really nothing.

"All right," he said, giving in. Jack had the lubricant again and he just had to be touching himself. Ianto tried to sit up to watch, but Jack's hand kept him down on the desk. He considered what he might have let himself in for. "No bulldog clips though," he reiterated. He complied as Jack slid his left arm under Ianto's right leg, and leaned down close to him. They were quiet for a moment as Jack eased inside him slowly.

"Mmm… no room for negotiation there," he said suggestively. Ianto decided not to glare this time. He couldn't. Jack took all of his attention. They stared at each other as Jack set some kind of rhythm, just them together. Jack's pleasure was so beautiful to watch, and his own…

"Jack…" he gasped as he felt that right hand around him again, still slick with lubricant, only this time he knew Jack wasn't going to stop. It made him hot and almost desperate. He was going to have marks on his wrists after this, but somehow he didn't care. Just do it!

"It's all right," Jack said as they looked at each other, and Ianto remembered just how they had got here. Lisa. It hadn't all been pretty. "It's all right," Jack repeated with a smile that was tender this time, almost as if he knew what Ianto was thinking about. "I've got you."

_I've got you_ – as if it was forgiveness. Yes. In every way. In every possible way, Jack had him. He wanted to speak it, but didn't. They'd hardly touched. Strange that he hadn't even really noticed. For all of the silly games and for all of the lies there had been, something else was there between them now. It was on the tip of his tongue, daring him to say it, pleading with him. He wanted to, but got lost in the moment and looked away. He was Jack's pleasure, and it felt so good. "I already know," Jack said on an outward breath and a slow movement, reading his mind again, and Ianto's eyes leapt to his. No more secrets then.

**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. I hope it made you smile, and giggle, and all the good things. Comments/constructive criticism welcome :)


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